hunh

just over a year since I updated this blog.

Just before the first "sadiversary" in fact.

Since that time, an abuser of mine died, his funeral was on the date of sadiversary. Left me with incredibly mixed emotions and a total inability to manage ANYTHING, such that I think I entered into a fugue state for a while.

I met someone just around this time, who has become very important to me. So important in fact that we're moving in together next month. Gulp.

And I'm coming up to the second anniversary of his death.

The love of my life, my soul mate. The person on this earth who made me complete.

Is it fair to the new guy that I am an incomplete individual? Should I pursue the relationship when I know that a part of me id dead?

I put this to him, and his response is that it's his choice, and that I'm more than enough. His concern is more about what happens when I "get better"? Will I still love him? Love him the same way?

We're both damaged, both have managed huge hurts along the way. And we complement each other in significant ways.

And the anniversary is near. It overshadows everything, nothing escapes it.

I'm re-living the days leading up to his death, his oh so rapid decline, my inability to say goodbye to him.

My love for him, which burns as strong today as it ever has.