6 months - taking stock

I posted on a widow/widower site last night about my sister asking me whether i wanted to heal...

I'm not sick.

I am not ill, although I am symptomatic.

I am not injured, although I've been crippled.

I am not contagious, although apparently people have trouble being around me.

The pain is... different.

There are moments where it feels as if he is right there, next to me. I can feel his breath, hear his heart near me.

I turn, with his name on my lips...

I awaken, feeling the weight of his arm on my waist...

I grab my phone, to tell him something funny...

I am bereft without him. The pain is not as immediate. Not as sharp. It aches, it burns, it deepens every minute, but goes deeper.

Hard to explain. Don't know how to get this across...