I had dreamt of M way before I ever met.
I've alsways loved him, and always will.
My dreams were of one who would love me no matter what, who was kind, gentle, strong of will, character and person.
A man who was not afraid of himself, of the depth ofhis emotion or caring.
I found him, and was blessed to be with him, but for so short a time.
I've heard that I should be thankful for what we had, that most never get to experience something like this.
I am thankful, but it wasn't long enough. We were cheated out of what should have been and I will never be able to forget that.
Since M left, I've not had a dream with him in it. I've had dreams about him, but none actually of him.
I awoke yesterday from one. I didn't even realize that it was different. I awoke feeling his hands on me, his breath in my ear, his love surrounding me.
This sense of being loved carried me through my day. Sustained me and I didn't feel my loss as acutely as I have.
Until I ran across a card from a friend of his, honoring his memory. The friend described me as "the sparkle in his smile"
That was enough to send me spiraling down again.
Even if I only get to feel him in dreams...