M started feeling sick around December, 07, just before Christmass time.

He didn't tellme he was feeling sick, he just started rubbing his chest. I'd find his hand on his chest, and would get worried thinking he was feeling pressure.

When I asked him about it, he'd tell me he was uncomfortable, but not that he had pain, and always denied any pain in his chest, or his arm, etc.

I remember at the Christmas eve gathering at his parent's house, he wasn't eating the same. If there was something that M took pleasure in and over which we struggled, it was eating.

Last year, at Superbowl time, the house was shrouded with fleeces on the windows, M-speak, which i didn't know, for being scared.

He was preparing to watch the Superbowl, and was rooting for the Patriot's. Nothing inthe house could be changed, since they'd had a winning season, it was super important to him that the house remain the same for luck.

I was at a rehearsal for a show, and went to have a drink with friends afterwords...

M watched football on dvr. He'd record the game, not watch any news, would not answer his phone or speak to people until the game was over and he'd watched it.

While at the restaurant with my friends, the game was playing in the background...

it's hard to really describe the fanaticism of M and his family towards sports. EVERYONE in this group watched, understands and participates.

I've even seen members of the family going out and playing catch .

Even more, M's son is on the radio broadcasting now, just out of college.

These are fans, people.

In any case, when I saw that the Patriots had lost, I settled my bill and took off, getting home in a record 15 minutes.

I didn't say anything about the loss, believing that M had not seen the final score, since his habit was to watch the game behind real time.

It should have been at least the second clue that he was not well, he knew and the reaction was minimal. Given his histrionics all over the fan boards about the game and the posturing that he and others engaged in, his reaction was curiously understated.

I can't help re-living all the parts of last year, the year that was given over to Cancer.